A Heroes Holiday
by Turcote
Summary: A crack-tastic poem about Christmas with our favorite Heroes. Also posted under QuittersTry's account.


A little late for the holidays perhaps, but I think this is the sort of cheer that continues throughout all seasons. :) Cowritten with QuittersTry, and also posted under her account. Written quickly, and just for our own personal amusement.

_A Heroes Night before Christmas_

'Twas the night before Christmas in Heroes-verse

All the Heroes were sleeping, no scenes to rehearse

The waffles were hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that Hiro would soon teleport there

*

The Heroes were all nestled all snug in their Cell

As future visions of dooooooom they began to foretell

And Mama with Mr. Muggles and Papa in Horn-Rimmed Glasses

With secrets and plans to pull out of their asses

*

When out in Pinehurst there arose such a clatter

I heard the cheerleader whine, "What's the matter?"

"I'm trying to be NORMAL but my two Dads won't let me.

My life is so hard and how can _that_ be?"

*

The moon gleamed brightly off Mohinder's bleached teeth

As he searched for the Formula up high and beneath

When what to my vision-possessed eyes should appear?

But a miniature sleigh and 8 HoYay reindeer.

*

With a little old driver, so evil and tan

I knew in a moment it must be Linderman

More rapid than time-travel, his slash-deer they came

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

*

"Now Sylinder! Now Plaude! Now Hando and Pylar!

On Moheter, on Syluke, on Nathan and….Peter?!"

"To the top of the lab! To the top of the wall!

Dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

*

Like Petrellis that touch too closely as they fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, they mount to the sky

So up to the laboratory the slash-deer they flew,

With the sleigh full of Formula, and the Catalyst too.

*

Much like Petrellicest, the gift that keeps on giving

Throughout all the seasons, a reason for living

With the touches and kisses, and the hugs for no reason

The Petrelli boys knew they'd been naughty that season

*

They landed right quick, on top of the floorpocalypse

The Haitian was waiting - "Quick, here comes the Eclipse!"

"How did you know?" Mohinder asked, in shock

"Bitch, I'm the Haitian Sensation, I always rock!"

*

And then, like a ticking, I heard on the roof

The hot, evil Sylar appear with a poof

As Hiro was smiling and dancing around

Down the chimney Sylar came with a bound.

*

He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with blood and with soot;

A bundle of brains he had flung on his back

"YATTA" yelled Hiro, and gave him a smack

*

His eyes -- how they twinkled! His eyebrows, how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll mouth was drawn up in an evil smile

With plans to kill and steal powers for a while

*

"Please don't eat our brains!" the Heroes pled

"Don't you know, I'm very SPECIAL" he said.

"And I don't eat brains, that's disgusting

But Pie and Cake may make me more trusting"

*

Sylar had a fauxhaux covered in gel, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

Sylar strode over, murder clear in his eyes,

While Mohinder and Pete shrieked "I'm too pretty to die!"

*

Then Niki/Tracey said "I'm pretty too!"

Shut up, Ali Larter, no one cares about you.

"Don't worry" Nathan called out from afar

"I'll still sleep with you, whoever you are!"

*

Sylar smirked "Remember when you denied me your List?"

"Well, now I've a list of my own, and payback's a bitch"

"I can't believe in a Santa that is as hot as that man"

Said Mohinder indignantly, clenching his hands

*

Sylar spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And TK-ed all the Heroes against the wall; and turned with a jerk,

And pointing his finger at them, he sliced opened their heads

But only the useless and unloved Heroes, everyone else had fled

*

Sylar escaped once again, without much a fight

He skulked out of Pinehearst and into the night,

But I heard him exclaim, o're the sleighbell's jingle

"Well, what do you know, it DOES kind of tingle!"

*********

Love it? Tell me about it. Hate it? Keep quiet. :)


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